A young college student lies in her bed, staring at her laptop. That would be me. Hi I’m Miranda, the completely and utterly confused girl wishing her assignment would go away. As I stared at the computer screen, I began to loathe my inability to write a simple fictional story. See, I’m the artistic type, so this should be easy right? Wrong. Constant pounding from teachers to keep my papers very realistic and straight forward have dried up my imagination to the point where all of my art is now annoyingly realistic. Ask me to write a poem and I’ll have a million written by noon. When challenged by an art teacher to create a surrealistic sculpture, I somehow managed to turn something very surrealistic, into a slightly twisted realistic piece of crap. So, here I am sitting at my computer writing about how I wrote my paper. But by the end of the day, the simple process of writing a paper becomes an evil task within itself. So what’s a girl to do? And that is where my boyfriend Jordan comes in.
Jordan walked into the room, or rather strutted with his head held high. “Hey babe what’s up?” he said. “Ughh… Jordan you know I don’t like being called babe. It’s demeaning to women. I’m not a piece of property you know.” I retorted. “Oh come on you know I love you.” he crooned while sitting down next to me on my bed. “Shut up I’ve got to get this paper written.” I snapped back at him. You have no idea how annoying that can be. “Geez sorry hun I guess I won’t be helping you write that paper then.” he said. “Wait…. Help? Paper? Don’t go!” I said desperately as he got up, grabbing for his arm like my life depended on it. “Oh now you need me.” he said in an almost mocking tone of voice as he sat down next to me, kissing my cheek gently “Write about your life experiences dear, things that you found interesting or funny, but twist them a bit. Make them…. unusual….. demonic almost.” “You want me….. to write about demons ruling over my life…… You realize Pastor Jeff is going to kill me right?” I said giggling. “And how is he going to find out that you wrote about demon possession?” Jordan said inquisitively. “I don’t know man, but he knows everything. It’s like God tells him everything I do!” I said. “Maybe he’s stalking you!” he said as pushed me to the side playfully. “Or maybe he’s the possessed one!” I giggled. And that was when the phone rang.
As I reached over to grab my phone, my wrist brushed past my bag, and my bible fell out of my purse opening to Ephesians and my eye caught Ephesians 6:12. I picked up the bible and read the verse which stated “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” “That’s odd.” I thought and reached over to pick up my phone “It’s the pastor…..” I said in a halting voice while looking at my boyfriend with scared eyes. “Well maybe it’s just a coincidence.” Jordan suggested in a hopeful voice. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts I answered my phone “Hello, Miranda speaking.” I said. “Hey Miranda its Pastor Jeff here. I was just calling to check on you, to make sure you weren’t falling into the trap of thinking about things like demons or Hell.” the Pastor said in an accusing voice. “Well actually I was talking about that, fancy you calling right at the exact moment I was talking to Jordan about demons.” I said in a dry voice. “Don’t talk about it! You will fall subject to the demons within hell and they will wreak havoc over your entire life!” he snapped. “Uh sure, okay. Whatever you say Pastor.” I said “Well I’d love to stay and talk all day but I have a paper to write.” “If you have a paper to write don’t worry about coming to church tonight, the sermon isn’t any different than Sunday’s sermon.” he said in a robotic voice. “Well, I plan on getting this done as soon as I can and coming anyway, distance from God’s people distances one from God.” I stated. “Well don’t, it isn’t important.” the pastor yelled right before he slammed the phone down, hanging up.
I turned to my boyfriend still staring at my phone in shock, “What just happened?” I asked, confused. “I have no idea hun, absolutely no idea.” Jordan said as he scratched his head. “You realize this means we have to go to church tonight no matter what now, right?” I said. “I know.” Jordan groaned. He isn’t as religious as I am, so dragging him to church is a chore within itself.
As we walked through the church, I could feel something different in the air. The normal warm, inviting nature of the church was replaced with a bone chilling cold that penetrated the heart. “Something is wrong here.” I said with a scared tone to my voice. “Something feels…….wrong.” “I know, I feel like something is standing right behind me, about to attack.” Jordan said in a hushed tone.”You feel it too? Good. It’s not just me.” I said, calming down a little. Walking up to greet the pastor, I saw emptiness in his eyes, like the very soul which once filled the heart of that man was suddenly sucked from his heart. My breath quickened, and I gripped onto Jordan’s hand even tighter.
“Hi Pastor Jeff, are you ok?” I asked, worried. “I’m just delightful pumpkin, although you shouldn’t be here today, homework is more important than God.” he said.
“QUICK! Hit him with the offering dish!” I screamed at Jordan. Jordan ran over to grab the offering plate from the usher and ran back to my side as quick as he could, swiftly hitting Pastor Jeff in the head with the plate as hard as he could. “TWANNGGGGG” the sound of the offering plate resonated throughout the sanctuary. Pastor Jeff stumbled back, stunned. “TIE HIM UP WITH THE BAPTISMAL ROBES!” Jordan shouted to me. I ran as fast as I could to the back of the church, ripping off the sleeve of one unfortunate baptismal robe. “Here! Use this to bind his wrists!” I offered in a hurried tone. Jordan suddenly had Pastor Jeff hog tied. “I knew dating a redneck would come in handy one day.” I said to myself. Looking around I noticed the entire church staring at Jordan and I. “Miranda…. we may wanna get him out of here… NOW.” Jordan said urgently. “I’m on it!” I exclaimed while helping Jordan pick up Pastor Jeff and running to the car. As Jordan threw the pastor into the back of the truck, now gagged with duct tape, I hopped into the passenger’s side. “FLOOR IT!” I yelled as he hopped into the driver’s seat. As we sped away into the country side I looked over at Jordan, who had a single hand rested on mine. “You realize we have to exorcise him and return him back to the church unharmed right?” I said bluntly. “Darn it.” Jordan exclaimed. We pulled over to the side of a dirt road and I got out, bible in hand. Jordan pulled the pastor from the pack of his truck and gently set him on the ground. As I sat down on a nearby tree stump, I started flipping through the bible, looking for useful things on exorcism. “GOT IT!” I said a few minutes later”Right here, in Mark 9:29. It’s so simple I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner!” “What?” he asked. “It says that this kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer. So pray like the wind bullseye!” I said to him. “Uh, I don’t really pray out loud babe….” Jordan said hesitantly. “Call me babe one more time and that will be you hog tied on the ground.” I said calmly. “Ok ok I get it. Its dear or hun from now on.” he said, backing off. “Good.” I said quickly “Now get to work!” Jordan finally complied, bowing his head. ”Lord, we ask that you take these demons out of this pastor which we really don’t know how are there in the first place.” I prayed “What she said.” Jordan added. “Amen” we said together. I stood up and ripped the tape off of the pastor’s mouth.
“OWW!” Pastor Jeff shouted. “What is wrong with you?” I said. “What are you talking about Miranda, and while we are talking, why am I tied up in a field?” the pastor asked accusingly. “Dude! You were possessed!” I said. “What are you talking about? I was trying to convert wiccans one moment and the next I’m in a field!” he barked. “That would do it.” I said. “Huh?” Jordan asked. “Wiccans can be pesky convincing people, they can twist what you believe in until you agree with them. And that is when THEY strike. The demons, the possessors, the evil.” I explained. “Wow you have learned a lot since we last spoke. I’m proud of you.” said Pastor Jeff as we untied him and helped him up. While all three of us got back into Jordan’s truck and drove back towards the church I couldn’t help but think. “What will the people at church do? It looks like we just kidnapped the pastor and ran.” I asked Jeff and Jordan. “I will explain everything to them don’t you worry.” the pastor said. “Whew. But just to be on the safe side, you are going in first Pastor, and you are going to be my human shield.” I said while pointing at Jordan. “Okay love.” Jordan said patting me on the arm “I’ll protect my girl.”
As we approached the church, we saw cop cars out front. “Uh oh…..” I said. “Let me talk to them first.” Pastor Jeff stated. Once we pulled up, the pastor got out and spoke with the police, after all three of us had spoken to the authorities, we were released. After a few minutes waiting outside while Pastor Jeff spoke to the congregation, Jordan and I walked in hand in hand to the church to a standing ovation. “Wow, I guess Pastor Jeff explained it pretty well.” I commented. “I guess so.” Jordan agreed. At the end of the service over half the congregation lined up to congratulate Jordan and me.
As Jordan dropped me off at home, he remarked, “Writing that paper won’t be too difficult now will it?” “I sure hope not!” I said to him before giving him a quick kiss. I got home and sat down in front of my evil computer yet again and wrote a paper about what Jordan and I went through, but this time, from the view point of the pastor. And guess what? My friends and my professor loved it. I even got an A+! My first in that college!